Who cut the Cheese?
Talk about your law of unintended consequences.
In their headlong rush to redefine the word “milk” to give them an advantage over their competitors, Big Dairy may have run into a lobbying group more powerful than they imagined:
Green Bay Packers fans.
Stay with us here. We are going to apply the very same logic Jim Mulhern and the NMPF used to justify their baldface attempt to rig the markets by using and abusing Standards-of-Identity labels. The fact that their argument quickly veers off into the absurd is confirmation their heavy-handed attempts were absurd prima facie to begin with..
For you see, if you try to abuse the definition of common words such as “milk” it is but a short step to other dairy-related words, such as “cheese.” And if you apply the same proposed NMPF restrictions to the word cheese, then an immediate target comes to mind:
Yep, that unique sartorial contribution to American fashion created by beer-addled Packers fans sitting in the stands would be in jeopardy if one uses the same stupid rules sought by Big Dairy..
According to Mulhern & Co., the word cheese in the term “Cheese Head” would be “misleading and confusing” to footballs fans who might think cheese heads were edible. Although if you have ever been to a Packers/Viking game there are enough people in the cheap seats freezing their udders off who look perfectly able to chew and swallow a cheese head.
Here’s our contribution to settling this pressing and important matter. Tell ya whut we’re gonna do: To help the process along, we will send Jim Mulhern’s name, home address, license plate number, make of car, cell phone number, email, and other highly personal information to the entire list of Green Bay season ticket holders — all 65,000 of them. That way, they can contact Jim directly and discuss their opinions with him and the NMPF.
We here at Udder Stupidity are nothing if not helpful.